Poor Bastard Who Just Wanted To See 'After Earth' Really Taking Shit From Theater Employee

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Vol 49 Issue 24

More White Americans Dying Than Being Born

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for the first time in modern history, more white Americans are dying than being born, with whites predicted to fall below 50 percent of the population by 2043.

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Poor Bastard Who Just Wanted To See 'After Earth' Really Taking Shit From Theater Employee

STOCKTON, CA—While purchasing a single ticket to see a Monday afternoon screening of the Will Smith film After Earth, poor son of a bitch Evan Whitfield, 38, was reportedly forced to take a load of shit from a theater employee for wanting to see the commercially unsuccessful science-fiction movie. “Wow, you’re actually willing to put yourself through this—you know it’s not too late to change your mind, right?” said the 19-year-old ticket clerk, who reportedly had to act like an asshole about it rather than just hand Whitfield his ticket and let him watch a movie. “You know, I better go make sure they actually fire up the projector this time—I think they’ve taken the last few days off. Good luck finding a seat in there, buddy!” At press time, Whitfield was sitting alone in the movie theater while being mercilessly mocked by the employee sweeping the floors.

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