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Entertainment

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Poor Bastard Who Just Wanted To See 'After Earth' Really Taking Shit From Theater Employee

STOCKTON, CA—While purchasing a single ticket to see a Monday afternoon screening of the Will Smith film After Earth, poor son of a bitch Evan Whitfield, 38, was reportedly forced to take a load of shit from a theater employee for wanting to see the commercially unsuccessful science-fiction movie. “Wow, you’re actually willing to put yourself through this—you know it’s not too late to change your mind, right?” said the 19-year-old ticket clerk, who reportedly had to act like an asshole about it rather than just hand Whitfield his ticket and let him watch a movie. “You know, I better go make sure they actually fire up the projector this time—I think they’ve taken the last few days off. Good luck finding a seat in there, buddy!” At press time, Whitfield was sitting alone in the movie theater while being mercilessly mocked by the employee sweeping the floors.

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