Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pope Francis Spotted Sunbathing Nude In St. Peter’s Square

VATICAN CITY—After setting down a small tote bag and unfolding a plastic lawn chair next to the Vatican Obelisk, Pope Francis was reportedly spotted Wednesday afternoon sunbathing nude in the middle of St. Peter’s Square. “He poured himself some ice-cold sacramental wine out of a little thermos, and then he just took off his papal vestments, got totally naked, and lay down to soak up the rays,” said 49-year-old Vatican City tourist James Leahey, adding that after roughly 30 minutes, the pontiff carefully re-anointed his entire body with holy tanning oil and then turned over to lie on his stomach. “He was flipping through a paperback Bible for a while, but then he tilted his miter down over his eyes and fell asleep.” At press time, Pope Francis had put his clothes back on and was preparing to leave just as Pope Benedict XVI rollerbladed through St. Peter’s Square wearing his usual neon yellow tank top and high, cutoff jean shorts.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.