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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Pope-Killing Virus Claims Yet Another Victim

ROME—Doctors at Italy's prestigious Center for Papal Disease Control announced last week that the infamous Pope-Killing Virus has claimed the life of yet another pontiff. The latest victim, a Polish immigrant identified by authorities as His Holiness John Paul II, is the third pope to fall prey to the virus in as many decades. "The tragic fact remains that, at this time, scientists know almost nothing about this terrible disease that attacks the nerve center of global Catholicism, and we are baffled as to how to fight its spread," CPDC head Dr. Emilio Caminioni said. "How many popes must die before a cure can be found? Can a viable treatment be discovered before another victim is claimed? These questions remain unanswered." According to Caminioni, the deadly virus has claimed the lives of 265 people over the past 20 centuries.

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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