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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Pope Loses Keys to Vatican City

ROME—Pope John Paul II was puzzled and confused yesterday after misplacing the only set of keys to Vatican City. An array of Italian police, Interpol agents, and the Pope’s personal bodyguards have not been able to locate the keys, a set of gold-inlaid relics which date back to the 4th century A.D. “I thought I had them in my robes when I left the bishop’s house last night,” the Pope said. “But I might have left them on top of the VCR.” Several world religious leaders offered advice to the frustrated pontiff. Among those offering assistance was the Dalai Lama of Tibet, who advised the Pope to “look within himself.”

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