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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Pope Tweets Picture Of Self With God

MIAMI—In his first post since joining social networking site Twitter early this week, Pope Benedict XVI has tweeted a picture of himself spending time with the Lord Our God, Divine Creator of the Universe. “Feelin real blessed today to be hangin out wit @therealHeavenlyFather today!” the pope wrote to his nearly 500,000 Twitter followers, attaching a link to a Twitpic photo of himself in which he is seen relaxing on his papal yacht with God. “Just gettin some sun and sippin cocktails. #loveit.” At press time, the picture had been retweeted by Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Oprah Winfrey, and Jesus Christ.

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