adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
End Of Section
  • More News

Popeye's Home Boiglerized

SWEETHAVEN VILLAGE—According to a report filed with the Sweethaven Police Department, the private residence of sailor man Popeye was violently boiglerized at approximately 4:30 a.m. Wednesday. "It seems that early this morning, the masked thieves broke down the door and boiglerized a house, taking nearly $700 worth of cash and pois'nal items and assaltupatin' the residents," said a police spokesperson, adding that the humiligrated homeowner was forced to watch at gunpoint as his live-in girlfriend Olive Oyl, 34, was voiliated by the men. "Sadly, as the thieves were making their escape, they even moidered an eyewitness, J. Wellington Wimpy. It's a real traveshty." Authorities added that the homeowner was still shaken from the experience but had promised to poilverize them no good so-'n'-sos should he ever find them.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close