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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Post-Game Comments Reveal A-Rod Unsure Whether Yankees Won Or Lost

NEW YORK—In an interview following Sunday afternoon's Yankees-Twins matchup, Alex Rodriguez's comments seemed to suggest that he was unaware of the game's final outcome. "Both teams played great out there, and players from both teams had some key performances that really swung the momentum in their favors—it's a shame that one team, perhaps the other, had to lose," Rodriguez said in response to a question about what this game means for the Yankees' season. "This game really could've gone either way, instead of the one way in which it went. You've just got to tip your cap to the winning team in this case. For winning. The game." When asked what he thought about rookie Darrell Rasner's performance, Rodriguez said that he "will be a big part of the future of whatever team he plays for."

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