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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Postmaster General: 'Letter Carrier Surge Is Working'

WASHINGTON, DC—In testimony before Congress Tuesday, beleaguered Postmaster General John E. Potter stated that last month's nationwide deployment of 25,000 additional letter carriers, a controversial move designed to stem demoralizing mail loss, has been an unmitigated success.

"We're losing fewer and fewer packages every day," said Potter, rebuffing critics who claim the increase has failed to stabilize the country's most troubled routes. "We ask the public to be patient. The American people have to keep in mind that we still lack the resources to deliver on Sundays."

Potter drew additional fire from lawmakers after he announced plans to scale back the number of active-duty postal workers right before the holiday season.

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