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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Pregnant Jessica Simpson Pulls Out Fetus For Photo Op

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Celebrity personality Jessica Simpson manually extracted her second-trimester fetus today and posed for photos as part of an exclusive prenatal photoshoot with US Weekly, the tabloid reported. “Here, get one of me kissing it!” said a smiling Simpson to photographers, pressing her lips up against the 6-inch, 4-ounce fetus covered in streaks of blood and vernix caseosa whom she had pulled out of her own womb just seconds earlier. “Let me know if there is any other way you want me to pose. These pictures are going to look so cute!” Simpson then tweeted a picture of herself squeezing the unborn child back through her vaginal canal and into her uterus before wiping the bloody amniotic yolk off her hands.

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