Pregnant Wife Has No Idea Which Jonas Brother She Married

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Vol 49 Issue 28

Study: Diet Soda Doesn’t Aid Weight Loss

A recent study by Purdue University has found that, contrary to popular thinking, drinking diet soda doesn’t aid in weight loss, and that its consumption can actually increase the likelihood of obesity and development of precursors to diabetes, card...

The Onion's Tips For Treating A Sunburn

Find cool, secluded aisle at Walgreens and generously slather on any of the wide variety of moisturizers available on the shelves Place body in cool, dark hole under 5 to 6 feet of dirt For true pain relief, morphine is really the only way to go, or obvi...

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In a bid to compete more fiercely with competitors like Apple, Google, and Amazon, Microsoft on Thursday announced a sweeping reorganization, which officials say will help the company react more quickly to changing technology and speed up development of p...
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Pregnant Wife Has No Idea Which Jonas Brother She Married

LOS ANGELES—During an announcement that she was pregnant with the couple’s first child, Danielle Jonas confirmed Wednesday that she was still not entirely sure which of the Jonas Brothers she had married. “The one with the curly hair…that’s Joe, right? Or is it Nick?” said the 25-year-old, who wondered aloud if she had possibly wed “Kellen” [sic] Jonas in 2009. “Honestly, I don’t know. When all three of them are together, I can’t really tell them apart, but I’m definitely having a baby with one of them.” At press time, a still unsure Danielle Jonas told reporters she would ask her 10-year-old niece because “she’s really into the Jonas Brothers.”

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