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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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President Obama Wondering Why He Always Has To Initiate Phone Call With NCAA Champions

WASHINGTON—In the moments following Alabama's 21-0 victory in the BCS National Championship Monday, President Barack Obama asked several advisers why he always has to be the one to call the winning team’s coach. "This happens every year. The guys obviously know I want to talk to them, but still I sit here and wait around until finally I’m forced to do the dialing," Obama said before groaning and asking his secretary to find him Nick Saban’s phone number. "They are national champions. I'm president of the United States. Am I crazy to think that one of the first things they'd want to do is call me? I'd just like to know I'm on their minds for once." Despite Obama's disappointment with always having to initiate calls with national champions, he did add that he wishes the MLS champion L.A. Galaxy would stop calling him.

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