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Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Presidential Debate To Be Accompanied By Sultry Latin Beat

SAN DIEGO—Wednesday's presidential debate will be made more exciting by the addition of a sultry Latin beat, provided by the famed Cuban salsa combo Manny Rios and the Havana Horns. The band will be seated directly between the candidates on the stage, providing a steady, conga- and maraca-driven beat throughout the debate. Bandleader Rios will also periodically interrupt the candidates with loud cries of "Aye aye aye aye aye aye!" While the candidates have complained that the beat may be a distraction, the TV networks and debate organizers insisted, explaining that the spicy Latin rhythm may be the only thing that entices viewers to watch. Said Republican candidate Bob Dole, "Bob Dole doesn't want to have to speak over the din of bongo drums when he's talking about important issues. Bob Dole is and will always be a staunch opponent of Manny Rios and the Havana Horns."

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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