adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

Prestigious University Touts Racial Diversity Of Dining Hall Staff

PRINCETON, NJ—During a first-year orientation event Monday, Princeton University president Shirley M. Tilghman lauded the college's racial diversity amongst its dining hall staff.

"We have employees from over 20 countries and all 16 Southern states," said Tilghman, singling out for praise Mexican-born busboy Hector Mendez, who chose Princeton's Forbes Dining Hall over dozens of other American college cafeterias. "We've deliberately fostered an environment in which our students can interact with people from completely different backgrounds."

Tilghman added that while the dining staff is the brightest beacon of campus racial diversity, the university is also proud of its math and foreign language faculties.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close