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Pretentious Selection Committee Member Thinks Only 6 Teams Deserve Spots In NCAA Tournament

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Pretentious Selection Committee Member Thinks Only 6 Teams Deserve Spots In NCAA Tournament

INDIANAPOLIS—Following hours of heated deliberation, pretentious selection committee member Doug Fullerton remained adamant Saturday that only six teams had truly earned a spot in the 2010 men's NCAA basketball tournament. "Let's be honest with ourselves. Purdue is hardly NCAA Tournament material. The very idea. And Baylor? You've got to be kidding me," said Fullerton, who refused to give Kansas, Kentucky, or Syracuse any seed higher than 14. "There's no reason we should be clogging up the brackets with this dreck. And I, for one, would rather not watch Duke embarrass itself yet again, if it's all the same to you." Fullerton added that it was his colleagues' lack of appreciation for the avante-garde that caused them to laugh him out of the room for suggesting Eastern Washington University be made a No. 1 seed.

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