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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Previous Pulitzer Winners: 'Feels So Hollow Knowing There Are Far More Deserving Institutions'

Four journalists who felt physically ill knowing they had been rewarded over a vastly superior media outlet.
Four journalists who felt physically ill knowing they had been rewarded over a vastly superior media outlet.

WASHINGTON—A consortium of Pulitzer Prize winners announced Monday that its members were wracked with feelings of shame and inadequacy knowing that, given The Onion's continued lack of recognition by the Pulitzer Board, they clearly had received awards they did not deserve. "This prize is a farce," said investigative journalist and winner of the 1970 Pulitzer Prize in International Reporting Seymour Hersh, adding that The Onion's "searing" coverage of the My Lai Massacre far exceeded his own in breadth and insight. "I don't feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I look at my Pulitzer. Instead, I feel angry, like my whole career is a sham. I keep my prize in the bottom of a drawer in my garage so I don't have to be confronted by its lies." Hersh then offered to do penance by working in The Onion mail room for free.

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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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