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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Previous Pulitzer Winners: 'Feels So Hollow Knowing There Are Far More Deserving Institutions'

Four journalists who felt physically ill knowing they had been rewarded over a vastly superior media outlet.
Four journalists who felt physically ill knowing they had been rewarded over a vastly superior media outlet.

WASHINGTON—A consortium of Pulitzer Prize winners announced Monday that its members were wracked with feelings of shame and inadequacy knowing that, given The Onion's continued lack of recognition by the Pulitzer Board, they clearly had received awards they did not deserve. "This prize is a farce," said investigative journalist and winner of the 1970 Pulitzer Prize in International Reporting Seymour Hersh, adding that The Onion's "searing" coverage of the My Lai Massacre far exceeded his own in breadth and insight. "I don't feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I look at my Pulitzer. Instead, I feel angry, like my whole career is a sham. I keep my prize in the bottom of a drawer in my garage so I don't have to be confronted by its lies." Hersh then offered to do penance by working in The Onion mail room for free.

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