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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Previous Tenant Clearly Not Bothered By Mildew

YPSILANTI, MI—According to new tenant Patricia Croland, the previous occupant of Apt. 12C at 208 Hill Street was clearly not the least bit bothered by mildew. "Wow," said Croland, who moved into the apartment Monday. "Somebody out there obviously doesn't have a problem with thick layers of white fungus." Among other things that apparently did not disturb the previous tenant: large black stains on carpets, painted-shut windows, pubic hairs on doorknobs, and overpowering rotting-bologna stenches in refrigerators.

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