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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Notable Female Writers Throughout History

Jane Austen died 200 years ago today, but she continues to be widely read and influential to today’s writers. The Onion highlights some of the most notable female authors throughout history.
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Price Of Gas Rises To Four Expletives Per Gallon

HOUSTON—Gasoline prices rose to a record-high four expletives per gallon Monday, a rate of fuel-price-related cursing not seen since the 1979 energy crisis sparked a nationwide obscenity boom. "Two years ago it seemed impossible that a gallon of gasoline would go as high as goddamn-shit-ass-balls," said commodities trader Philip Roan, adding that refined petroleum is up nearly 100 percent from cock-fuck last March. "Considering the unrest in the Middle East and growing global energy demands, fuel prices may well reach dick-ass-Christ-fuck-hell in as little as six months." The unprecedented jump in swearing rates has reportedly prompted an increase in the number of Americans riding motherfucking bicycles.

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