adBlockCheck

Prima Donna Surgeon Storms Out Of Half-Full Operating Theater

Top Headlines

Science & Technology

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

Disney Begins Uploading Obama’s Consciousness To Hall Of Presidents Robot

BAY LAKE, FL—In an effort to provide park visitors with the most true-to-life attraction possible, Walt Disney World officials announced Monday that computer technicians have begun uploading Barack Obama’s consciousness into his animatronic robot likeness at the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of Presidents exhibit.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Prima Donna Surgeon Storms Out Of Half-Full Operating Theater

BALTIMORE—Midway through Friday night's quadruple-bypass procedure at the Johns Hopkins Hospital, the celebrated but moody cardiac surgeon Dr. Stuart Reinhorn threw down his laser scalpel in apparent disgust at the size of his audience and declared the poorly attended artery-grafting to be over. "What is this, Lambert County General?" said Reinhorn, who stopped the surgery after a delicate suturing maneuver failed to elicit a rousing response from those in the observation gallery. "I'm giving the performance of my life, yet I'm treated like some first-year resident sawing off limbs at a community medical center." After Reinhorn locked himself in the scrub room and refused to come out, undersurgeon Dr. Ken Wilcox, who most recently performed in a Cedars-Sinai appendectomy, attempted a revival of the patient that eventually reduced his audience to tears.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close