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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Prima Donna Surgeon Storms Out Of Half-Full Operating Theater

BALTIMORE—Midway through Friday night's quadruple-bypass procedure at the Johns Hopkins Hospital, the celebrated but moody cardiac surgeon Dr. Stuart Reinhorn threw down his laser scalpel in apparent disgust at the size of his audience and declared the poorly attended artery-grafting to be over. "What is this, Lambert County General?" said Reinhorn, who stopped the surgery after a delicate suturing maneuver failed to elicit a rousing response from those in the observation gallery. "I'm giving the performance of my life, yet I'm treated like some first-year resident sawing off limbs at a community medical center." After Reinhorn locked himself in the scrub room and refused to come out, undersurgeon Dr. Ken Wilcox, who most recently performed in a Cedars-Sinai appendectomy, attempted a revival of the patient that eventually reduced his audience to tears.

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