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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Prime Minister Of Norway Gets Laid

OSLO, NORWAY—Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg got laid on Friday, according to a spokesperson for the Norwegian government. "I am able to confirm that the prime minister did indeed have sex last night, and that he was very pleased to have done so," communication officer Tor Aagaard Borgersen told reporters Saturday during a routine briefing of the Oslo press corps. "Following a meeting with cabinet members on long-term strategies for navigating the eurozone crisis, Mr. Stoltenberg returned home, where, a short time later, he had sex with a woman." Reports from high-ranking officials indicated that after getting laid, the prime minister rested comfortably in his bathrobe and read a book while the woman with whom he had intercourse took a shower.

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