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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Prince Charles Thinks Boys Are Finally Old Enough To Hear What Happened To Their Mother

LONDON—Feeling that his sons were finally mature enough to handle the truth, Prince Charles reportedly decided Thursday to tell Princes William and Harry what really happened to their mother, the late Princess Diana. “Boys, gather around, there’s something important you need to hear,” said His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, 63, taking a deep breath before explaining to his sons that their mother had in fact died in a car crash in 1997. “I know this may come as a shock, but I think you two are old enough now to know the real story. You should also know that I’ve remarried.” Observers of the Royal Family expect Charles to wait another 15 years before letting Prince William know how many young women the queen vetted before ordering Kate Middleton to marry him.

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