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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Prince Fielder Catching On To Fact That Teams Take Free Agents Out To Dinner A Lot

ORLANDO, FL—After recently visiting the Texas Rangers to discuss the possibility of signing a long-term contract, All-Star first baseman Prince Fielder told reporters Monday he's beginning to notice how many complimentary meals he's getting from interested teams. "In Chicago, they took me to a steakhouse, it was top-flight seafood in D.C., and in Dallas, we went out for barbecue and they even comped my breakfast buffet at the hotel the next morning," said Fielder, adding that he has been craving Mexican lately and might entertain an offer from the Dodgers if it means scoring free tacos. "At this rate, I'm almost positive I'm going to sign a one-year deal so I can do this again next winter." Upon hearing the news, pitcher CC Sabathia reportedly put in a call to his agent to inquire about getting out of his current contract with the Yankees.

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