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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Prince Fielder Dominates Home Run–Eating Contest

NEW YORK—The MLB All-Star festivities ended on a high note Monday as Detroit Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder wowed fans with his dominant performance in the league’s annual Home Run–Eating Contest. “I saw the hunger in his eyes when he stepped up to the plate, but I never imagined he’d be able to eat that many dingers in one sitting,” said SportsCenter anchor Chris Berman, noting Fielder’s grueling regimen, which culminated in the consumption of 40 singles and 30 doubles on Sunday, followed by a 24-hour fasting period leading up to the event. “He really looked like he was about to burst after the tenth or eleventh double-decker, so to see him power through the pain and shatter his own record of 35 round trippers in 50 minutes was that much more impressive.” Fielder’s current pace of four-baggers ingested during the regular season has led to speculation that he might be the first MLB player to eat 800 home runs.

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