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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Prince Fielder Promises To Hit Home Run For Terminally Ill Detroit

DETROIT—Pledging to do all he can for the sickly metropolis, Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder reportedly promised Detroit, a city with a debilitating terminal condition, that the next home run he hits will be for the brave Michigan town, sources confirmed Thursday. “You’ve been a real champ these last few months, little bud, so I’m gonna hit one out of the ballpark just for you,” said Fielder, who admitted that it broke his heart to know the ailing city didn’t have much time left. “You keep watching me up there on the TV screen, okay? You’re so strong. I just need you to hold on a little bit longer.” At press time, sources confirmed Detroit was eagerly watching Fielder and cheering for the five-time All-Star even as its vital infrastructure started to give out.

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