Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 5 Weeks

In This Section

Vol 47 Issue 22

Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of which was apparently to communicate the fact that Leski had eaten food and then paid for it.

Educated Bigot That Much More Terrifying

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier than any encounter with an ignorant bigot ever could hav...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Business

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 5 Weeks

'I Made A Terrible Mistake' Says Heir To British Throne

LONDON—Barely a month after marrying 29-year-old Kate Middleton in a royal wedding ceremony watched by an estimated 2 billion people worldwide, Prince William announced Tuesday that he and Middleton have divorced and that the entire marriage was "a tremendous mistake in every possible regard." "I really don't know what I was thinking—we're a terrible match, I don't love her and never have, and, to be honest, I never really had any interest in being married in the first place," announced the now unattached Prince William to a dead-silent British press corps. "People thought our wedding was some sort of fairy tale, but I assure you it was all just some ghastly ceremonial farce that got out of hand. I'm just relieved it's over, frankly. And I'm glad I'll never have to see that awful woman again." Prince William then told the assembled reporters, "Well, see you all later," smiled, and walked back into Buckingham Palace.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More