adBlockCheck

Privacy Advocates Refuse To Release New Report

Top Headlines

Recent News

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Privacy Advocates Refuse To Release New Report

WASHINGTON, DC—Privacy-rights advocates from the American Privacy Rights Center refused to release a heavily researched report on the new Intelligence Reform and Terrorism Prevention Act of 2004 Monday.

The American Privacy Rights Center in Washington, DC.

"The report contains 475 pages of information about the ways in which the impending overhaul of U.S. intelligence and law-enforcement agencies will violate the privacy of individuals," APRC chief counsel and media director Michael Zeller said. "But it has a great deal of sensitive material that we'd rather not divulge. We feel it would be best to keep our findings safe from intruding eyes—government or otherwise."

"Wait...who is this?" Zeller added. "How did you get this number?"

Further attempts to reach Zeller at his office, on his cell phone, by e-mail, at his home, and at his children's school were unsuccessful.

Last month, Zeller openly criticized government intelligence measures for "extending the business of intelligence-gathering into the lives of private individuals" in the fourth paragraph of a confidential internal memo obtained by the press. In a conversation with a coworker later the same day, Zeller said "the government is taking advantage of the lack of explicit restrictions on the monitoring of electronic correspondence and cell-phone communications in current right-to-privacy laws."

More recently, an APRC staffer criticized the civil-liberties board established by the intelligence-reform bill.

"The board was meant to serve as a safeguard against government abuses, but as outlined in the bill, it would have no legal authority to challenge measures taken by the government against private citizens in the name of security," said Julie Grafney, a privacy-rights lawyer who asked that her name not be used. "Our organization prepared a list of recommendations for more-adequate provisions. Unfortunately, the items on that list are confidential."

Asked if the report contains any information about the new federal standards for state-issued drivers' licenses, Grafney said the APRC's position on the matter is "not open to discussion—not now, not ever."

American Civil Liberties Union spokesman Bob Kearney said privacy is "one of the most important domestic issues facing Americans today."

"Citizens should be armed with the information they need to protect their private lives," Kearney said. "That is why the ACLU is attempting to force the APRC to release this report by bringing a Freedom of Information Act suit against the organization."

Added Kearney: "What vital information about privacy are they trying to hide? The American public has a right to know."

The APRC has previously compiled detailed reports on skin-implantable medical-record microchips, "black boxes" for automobiles, and GPS-enabled cell phones, but none of the documents were released to the public. Nonetheless, each came under public scrutiny. Hackers posted the first on the Internet, portions of the second were recovered from the APRC's garbage, and the notes for the third were seized during an FBI raid.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close