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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Pro Football Hall Of Fame Removes Aaron Hernandez’s Gun

CANTON, OH—Following dozens of visitor complaints, officials at the Pro Football Hall of Fame announced Thursday that they have elected to take down an exhibit featuring a firearm owned by former New England Patriots tight end and current murder suspect Aaron Hernandez. “While we initially felt that this unique piece represents an important chapter in NFL history, the objections from our patrons have been enough to warrant its removal,” said museum spokesman Joe Horrigan, referring to the Glock .45-caliber pistol that had until this week been prominently displayed alongside a partially emptied 13-round clip recovered from Hernandez’s home. “Though this exhibit provides an interesting look into the lives of one of the game’s most dynamic young talents, we have since been advised that it is in poor taste, and has even made some of our visitors uncomfortable. And for that, we apologize.” Horrigan told reporters that the Hall currently has no plans to modify or remove any of its other popular football memorabilia displays, including O.J. Simpson’s black leather gloves, a variety of choke chains once owned by Michael Vick, and the exhumed corpse of Junior Seau.

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