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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Pro Football Hall Of Fame Removes Aaron Hernandez’s Gun

CANTON, OH—Following dozens of visitor complaints, officials at the Pro Football Hall of Fame announced Thursday that they have elected to take down an exhibit featuring a firearm owned by former New England Patriots tight end and current murder suspect Aaron Hernandez. “While we initially felt that this unique piece represents an important chapter in NFL history, the objections from our patrons have been enough to warrant its removal,” said museum spokesman Joe Horrigan, referring to the Glock .45-caliber pistol that had until this week been prominently displayed alongside a partially emptied 13-round clip recovered from Hernandez’s home. “Though this exhibit provides an interesting look into the lives of one of the game’s most dynamic young talents, we have since been advised that it is in poor taste, and has even made some of our visitors uncomfortable. And for that, we apologize.” Horrigan told reporters that the Hall currently has no plans to modify or remove any of its other popular football memorabilia displays, including O.J. Simpson’s black leather gloves, a variety of choke chains once owned by Michael Vick, and the exhumed corpse of Junior Seau.

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