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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Producer Wants To Call Movie Crime And Punishment Anyway

LOS ANGELES—Upon learning that the title has already been taken, Hollywood
producer Andrew Shuler announced Monday that he wants to call his upcoming Universal
Pictures police thriller Crime And Punishment anyway. "There is?" said
Shuler, moments after being told of the classic Fyodor Dostoyevsky novel that shares its
name with his upcoming Val Kilmer-Wesley Snipes vehicle. "I don't really see that as
a problem. What 18- to 34-year-old has ever heard of that?" Shuler said he is
confident he will be able to "buy out this Russian guy."

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