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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Professional Basketball Team Interested In Trade For Professional Basketball's Carmelo Anthony

NEW YORK—Citing his excellence in shooting, passing, dribbling, and jumping, a professional basketball team in the National Basketball Association announced its interest Tuesday in acquiring the services of professional basketball player Carmelo Anthony for the 2010-2011 season. "Carmelo Anthony simply makes a high percentage of his basketball shots, which puts him in the top tier of the 450 basketball players currently filling salaried positions in the league," a general manager of a professional basketball team told reporters. "We would be willing to trade two or even three of our professional basketball players in order to place Carmelo Anthony in our employ, for which we would in turn pay him a large sum of money." The general manager added that while Anthony is a very good professional basketball player, he would of course rather have signed professional basketball player LeBron James.

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