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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Professional Basketball Team Interested In Trade For Professional Basketball's Carmelo Anthony

NEW YORK—Citing his excellence in shooting, passing, dribbling, and jumping, a professional basketball team in the National Basketball Association announced its interest Tuesday in acquiring the services of professional basketball player Carmelo Anthony for the 2010-2011 season. "Carmelo Anthony simply makes a high percentage of his basketball shots, which puts him in the top tier of the 450 basketball players currently filling salaried positions in the league," a general manager of a professional basketball team told reporters. "We would be willing to trade two or even three of our professional basketball players in order to place Carmelo Anthony in our employ, for which we would in turn pay him a large sum of money." The general manager added that while Anthony is a very good professional basketball player, he would of course rather have signed professional basketball player LeBron James.

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