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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Professor To Publish Book

“It will have pages,” Say Sources

Professor Theodore L. Chaptman, a well-known professor at the university, announced that he will be publishing a book.

The book, on the same subject that he teaches in his popular class at the university, will reportedly have several hundred pages. On the pages, Chaptman said he fully intends to have printed words, as well as page numbers.

The book will be bound, in all likelihood, by a publishing house or printer. Chaptman’s contract with the printer calls for them to put a back and front cover on the book, which should by all estimations have a title and possibly a design on it.

It will not the first book Chaptman has written. “I have written many other books on my subject,” Chaptman said. “Like the ones in the past, this too will be in the English language, and written with very good grammar. Also, I am considering adding pictures, and maybe even a graph or chart this time.”

Dr. Dennis Eisner, chair of Chaptman’s department at the university, was excited to have one of his staff members publish a book.

“It further enhances Professor Chaptman’s prestige in his field, a field in which he has written many other books.” Eisner said. “All of his books have been well-received, and we expect this one to be as well. It will have pictures.”

Noted photographer Jars Laman has been hired to shoot and compile photos for the book. Laman has shot many pictures on this subject, and is considered to be the best photographer in Chaptman’s field. The photos are expected to be developed, on paper, with a visible image. Laman has not decided whether to use color or black and white film. In any case, he will put film in the camera when he shoots the photos.

“If it is dark I will use a flash with my camera,” Laman said.

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