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Politics

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.

Arguments For And Against Single Payer Healthcare

Bernie Sanders recently introduced a single payer healthcare plan, also known as medicare-for-all, that would guarantee coverage to all Americans under one government-run plan. Here are the arguments for and against implementing a single-payer healthcare plan.

Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.
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Proposed Legislation Offers Citizenship To Immigrants Who Can Play Piano So Good It Makes Everyone Cry

WASHINGTON—The continued efforts of lawmakers to overhaul the nation’s immigration system gained considerable momentum Wednesday when House Speaker John Boehner announced that he would allow House Republicans to vote on a bipartisan reform plan that offers citizenship to immigrants who can play the piano so damned good that it just makes everyone cry. “The House fully supports a broad immigration bill that includes a path to citizenship to immigrants who can sit down at a shiny Steinway piano, close their eyes, and move audiences to tears with a haunting solo piano performance that makes you well up with emotion and say, ‘Wow, this guy can really play,’” Boehner said before a joint session of Congress, pledging support for a Senate-backed bill that would grant citizenship to young Asian children, Eastern European men, and other potential immigrants who can play the shit out of a piano to the point where all you can do is sit there with your jaw open because the whole thing is just so touching and evocative. “Even if said individual is undocumented and entered onto U.S. soil illegally, we are more than willing to grant said individual legal status should they play a stirring piano rendition of either ‘Pachelbel’s Canon,’ Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight Sonata,’ or possibly the theme from Schindler’s List with great poise, stunning technique, and an almost unbearable sense of poignancy.” At press time, leadership in both parties had expressed support for further proposals to grant permanent citizenship to any immigrant who can make those steamed pork bun things that are so good you can’t stop eating them.

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