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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Prospective Student Had Most Fun Getting Drunk At Arizona State

BRINKLEY, AR—After taking a week off from school to evaluate prospective colleges, high school senior Angela Ross said Monday that, though all the campuses she visited had their strong points, she enjoyed getting drunk at Arizona State University the most.

"The students there seemed very serious about [the drinking game] flip cup, which is more than I can say for the people at UCLA," said Ross, adding that she witnessed ASU students engaging in such innovative games as keg ball, find the keg, and dark doubles. "The thing I like most about the university is that if there isn't a drinking game that interests you, the supportive environment allows you to create your own."

Though Ross was accepted at Stanford, it ranks near the bottom of her list, since fewer than two-thirds of the undergraduates she polled there had ever gone to a movie totally plastered.

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