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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Prototypical Stock-Car Racer Kurt Busch Fired For Being Prototypical Stock-Car Racer

MOORESVILLE, NC—Veteran NASCAR racer Kurt Busch, long a fan favorite for old-school stock-car-driver antics such as reckless racing, fistfights with competitors, and hard drinking, was released by Penske Racing on Monday for antics such as unsafe on-track behavior, physical assaults, and arrests for drunk driving. "We are sorry to have to part company with Kurt, one of the sport's real symbols, but we feel his frankly classic actions do not represent Penske Racing and are inconsistent with the company's standards for personal conduct," a press release from Penske read in part, referring to Busch's "in-character and inexcusable" behavior at the Homestead season finale, during which he directed an obscene gesture at Michelle Obama's motorcade and later defended himself to interviewers in a profanity-laced tirade. "But that part where he flipped the first lady the bird? That was damn good stuff, tell you what." NASCAR has fined Busch $50,000 and nominated him for Driver of the Year for his actions.

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