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Public Calls For Formation Of Some Sort Of Federal Administration To Manage Emergencies

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.
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Public Calls For Formation Of Some Sort Of Federal Administration To Manage Emergencies

NEW ORLEANS (Sept. 7)—In the wake of Hurricane Katrina's devastation of the Gulf Coast, Americans are demanding that President Bush sign an executive order that would create a government agency to assist citizens affected by disasters. "Clearly, there is a pressing need for some kind of federal agency to manage these types of emergencies," New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said. "A federal emergency management administration, if you will." Nagin added that this organization's purpose could dovetail with another federal agency intended to secure the U.S. homeland, if such a thing existed.

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