adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
End Of Section
  • More News

Publicist Schmoozes Wife Into Sex

NEW YORK—Morty Jamison, 44, a successful publicist with Jamison, Laird & Connaught, successfully schmoozed his wife Lily into sex last night. "I gotta call in a favor—the project's right up your alley," Jamison said. "Let's get dinner and talk it over—how's tonight? I'll have my assistant shoot you an e-mail." Although not visibly impressed, Lily reportedly signed on for a quickie feature above the fold.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close