Publicist’s Single Dream In Life For Nation To Have Wes Bentley Fever

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Vol 49 Issue 31

Global Warming Making People More Violent

A study published in the journal Science found that extremely hot and dry weather resulted in greater levels of conflict, and posited that for every degree Fahrenheit increase in average temperature, violent crime in the U.S.

Reading Rainbow Trout

PBS 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

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WASHINGTON—Despite recent hopes that the lifeless U.S. employment climate may at last be turning a corner, a new report issued Friday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that nationwide job growth remains sluggish, or rather, akin to a slug in i...

Highlights From Ariel Castro’s Courtroom Statement

Ariel Castro, the 53-year-old Cleveland man who abducted, imprisoned, and repeatedly raped three women over the course of 11 years, made a brief statement during a court hearing Thursday, shortly before he was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

A spokesman for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice confirmed that the state, which has the nation’s highest rate of executions, is running low on the lethal injection drug pentobarbital and would exhaust its supply in September.
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Publicist’s Single Dream In Life For Nation To Have Wes Bentley Fever

LOS ANGELES—Saying that she wants nothing more than for her client to gain the fame and notoriety he deserves, Hollywood publicist Kelsey Schumacher told reporters Tuesday that her greatest single dream in life is for the nation to be overtaken by Wes Bentley fever. “If I don’t ever have a family, or ever get to travel, or fall in love, that will be fine as long as I can ramp up Wes Bentley’s buzz and ensure that he takes the world by storm,” Schumacher said, adding that her life will be rendered meaningless if the Jonah Hex and American Beauty actor’s face doesn’t constantly appear on the cover of celebrity gossip magazines with captions such as “Wes Bentley Shows Off His Killer Beach Bod,” “Wes Wows On The Red Carpet,” and “Behind The Scenes Of The Latest Wes Bentley Movie.” “My most deeply held hopes and wishes would be fulfilled if we somehow lived in a world where people were clamoring for all the Wes Bentley they could get, where Wes Bentley would have to turn down talk show spots because he’s been double-booked, and where directors would bend over backwards to get Wes Bentley in their projects. If that happened, my existence on this earth would make sense.” At press time, Schumacher was attempting to foster a groundswell of social media attention for her client by getting the hashtag #WBent to trend.

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