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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Pujols Switches To Shiny Red Bat As Mid-Career Crisis Sets In

SEATTLE—Angels slugger Albert Pujols reportedly showed up to the team’s dugout Tuesday with an expensive little bright-red bat, prompting players to speculate that the 32-year-old was entering a mid-career crisis. “He’s seemed kind of down since his numbers started dipping and people stopped talking about him as the best hitter in baseball, so it’s not really surprising to see him swinging around that brand-new sporty cherry-red bat,” said Angels left fielder Vernon Wells, who confirmed Pujols had also recently attempted to appear younger by wearing tight leather pants during games. “Albert says playing with a young rookie phenom contending for the MVP doesn’t make him feel insecure, but that zippy crimson bat says otherwise. He’s been bragging about how the barrel is blazingly fast and cracks louder when it hits the ball, but his wife is going to kill him for blowing $50,000 on a bat.” At press time, team sources confirmed Pujols had driven his 2013 Harley-Davidson Iron 883 motorcycle to the on-deck circle for batting practice.

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