MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day.
SOUTH BELOIT, ILThree-month-old Lab-Dalmatian mix Smokey curled up into the sweetest little ball of fur you'd ever want to see and died of canine parvovirus in his owner's home Sunday. "Awww, look! Look at that!" said Smokey's former master, nurse practitioner Dieter Knast, who discovered the puppy's corpse. "Did puppums have severe dehydration? Who had a bacterial infection that caused septic shock? You did! You did! You're a little angel." Smokey's corpse is expected to remain under the radiator until it doesn't smell cute anymore.