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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Purchase Of Jeans Ushers Man Into Exclusive, Ultra-Cool Subculture Of Jeans-Wearing Americans

PHILADELPHIA—Following his purchase of a pair of regular-fit Levi’s blue jeans, 32-year-old Frank Auttenberg has reportedly become part of the ultra-hip, ultra-exclusive subculture of pants-wearing Americans known as Jeans Wearers, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Just a few weeks ago I was a nobody, but look at me now—a member of the jeans-wearing underground, an elite and rare group of decision makers and persons of influence,” said Auttenberg, whose blue jeans get him tables at the coolest restaurants and cause people to ask, “Who is that man?” “Where is he going?” and “How do I become him?” “Innovators. Inventors. Tastemakers. Now that I wear jeans, these are the only sorts of people I socialize with. It’s the kind of realm only the hippest of the hip get to enter, but here I am, ready to make my dent.” Auttenberg then noticed another man wearing jeans nearby, grinned, and gave him a brief, knowing nod.

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