adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Qiu Bo

Diving — China

Training: Learned how to dive by jumping into sea of Dockers at parents’ work

Advantage: No matter what happens, people in China will be told he won every single event

Endorsements: Chunri Shi Tiger Paste; Chinese Communist Party; GoDaddy.com

Style: Has grace of a tiger, though it is far more fun to watch a tiger climb a 10-meter platform and jump into a swimming pool

Gold medals needed to spare life: 9

Events entered in: 1

NEXT: Lauren Jackson

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close