The FDA is urging all Americans in possession of flaky, delicious pot pies to turn them in to FDA headquarters as soon as possible.
SAN FRANCISCO—Rescue workers are still searching frantically for any signs of unwasted time in the wreckage of high-school student Jeremy Fanshaw's life, following a devastating Quake game that claimed an estimated 500 hours of his time. "Ordinarily, a game of this magnitude would destroy 40 to 50 hours," Red Cross worker Linda Wallis-Hupford said. "But, tragically, Jeremy went back to play the game from the beginning, then he started playing at harder and harder skill levels, and, eventually, he downloaded software that let him create his own levels and skins." As rescue efforts continue, experts are warning of a possible Quake II disaster that could last even longer, with more stunning graphics.