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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Quarterback Playing Well Enough For Commentator To Mention His Favorite Sandwich

CLEVELAND—Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco's commanding performance against the porous Browns defense Sunday provided commentators with an opportunity during the game's third quarter to discuss the signal caller's love for his favorite sandwich. "The Quiznos toasted Prime Rib and Peppercorn sub is absolutely his favorite sandwich, all right. It may be his favorite thing to have for lunch, period," announcer Don Criqui said as Flacco preserved the Ravens' 24-17 lead by completing a meaningless four-yard out. "He eats them all the time. Says he loves the sautéed onions. Buys them for all the linemen, too, after a good practice." Flacco finished the game with 22 completions on 31 attempts for 262 yards, three touchdowns, no interceptions, three comparisons of his musical tastes with his style of play, and two mentions of how a young Flacco led his high school baseball team to the New Jersey state title.

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