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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Quarterback Playing Well Enough For Commentator To Mention His Favorite Sandwich

CLEVELAND—Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco's commanding performance against the porous Browns defense Sunday provided commentators with an opportunity during the game's third quarter to discuss the signal caller's love for his favorite sandwich. "The Quiznos toasted Prime Rib and Peppercorn sub is absolutely his favorite sandwich, all right. It may be his favorite thing to have for lunch, period," announcer Don Criqui said as Flacco preserved the Ravens' 24-17 lead by completing a meaningless four-yard out. "He eats them all the time. Says he loves the sautéed onions. Buys them for all the linemen, too, after a good practice." Flacco finished the game with 22 completions on 31 attempts for 262 yards, three touchdowns, no interceptions, three comparisons of his musical tastes with his style of play, and two mentions of how a young Flacco led his high school baseball team to the New Jersey state title.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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