adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
End Of Section
  • More News

Queen Elizabeth Annoyed Nude Pictures Of Prince Harry Don't Show Anything Good

LONDON—Expressing her annoyance after nude photographs of her grandson Prince Harry of Wales surfaced on Hollywood celebrity website TMZ this week, Queen Elizabeth II announced today that she is highly disappointed the grainy shots don’t show anything good. “In one [photo] he’s basically just bending over this girl, and all you can see is his ass crack,” the British monarch said at a news conference outside Buckingham Palace, noting that she spent two hours yesterday searching for uncensored versions of the images online. “In the other one he’s cupping his dick to the point where you can’t even see any pubes. It was barely enough to get me wet.” At press time, sources reported that while she was initially underwhelmed by the photos, the queen had since taken another look and experienced her first orgasm in decades.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close