Quick, Painless Death Tops Holiday Wish List Of Local Veal Calf

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DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Quick, Painless Death Tops Holiday Wish List Of Local Veal Calf

BUTLER, OH—A four-month-old veal calf revealed Monday that topping its Christmas list this year is a quick, painless death. "I would like the end to come soon," said the calf, speaking from its one-by-two-foot pen. "And when it does come, I hope it is not agonizing." Sources close to the calf were surprised that more spacious living quarters and a longer life did not come higher on its list, coming in three and six respectively. Number two on the calf's list was a Panasonic wet/dry razor.