Quiet Guy Mistaken For Nice Guy

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Vol 42 Issue 37

2nd Autopsy For Anna Nicole's Son

A second autopsy will be performed on Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son who died at her bedside while she was hospitalized in the Bahamas. What do...

Horse Meat Banned

Congress has banned the slaughter of horses for meat, calling the process "barbaric." What do you think?

Care For 9/11 Illness

People who worked or lived near Ground Zero are demanding health-care for illnesses related to the poor air quality after the attacks. What do...

Sept. 12, 1972

Puke Orange, Pea Green, Mustard Yellow Adopted as New National Colors
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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Quiet Guy Mistaken For Nice Guy

MANCHESTER, NH—Though coworkers believe 29-year-old Kevin Bell is a kind, affable, and quiet employee, none of them are aware that he routinely launches into elaborate, animated, and sometimes violent diatribes about them when out of the office. "Kevin keeps to himself mostly, but you can tell there is a genuine warmth there," said coworker Amanda Soisson, who was unaware that Bell referred to her as a "butterface bitch" who last saw a penis "in high-school health class," while having drinks with a friend Monday night. "I asked him to get a file for me, and he didn’t complain or anything, which is refreshing around here." Bell could not be reached for comment after leaving work early to go cheat on his girlfriend of four years, who thinks he is simply too shy to admit that he loves her.

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