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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Quincy Suspects Murder

LOS ANGELES—Forensic examiner Quincy announced today that he believes a John Doe brought to him by police detectives was murdered, and not dead of natural causes as ruled by the county coroner. “It is not often that I suspect foul play,” Quincy said. “But in this rare case, a slight imperfection in the body that went unnoticed by other investigators makes me highly suspicious.” Lieutenant Frank Monahan of the LAPD maintained there is no evidence of murder, and is urging Quincy to “drop it,” calling the matter an “open and shut case.” Quincy and his assistant, Sam Fujiyama, plan to circumvent the police force and investigate, solve and render justice in the murder case themselves.

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