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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Quiz: Is Your Weight Keeping You From Getting Drunk?

This blog entry is reprinted with permission from the Department of Health and Human Services.

Studies show an individual with a BMI of more than 30 needs six shots of premium grade vodka to feel even mildly buzzed, whereas someone with a BMI between 20 - 25 only needs half of that to lose all of his or her inhibitions. Isn’t that all the reason you need to maintain a healthy weight?

Take this quiz to find out if your weight may be affecting your ability to become intoxicated in a timely manner:

1) Do you usually have to carry one of your skinny friends to the bathroom to vomit before you even feel buzzed?

2) Are you are able to drive perfectly after shot-gunning four Keystones?

3) Do you have to drink an entire bottle of Jagermeister before you want to fight someone?

4) Are you friends unable to lift you for a keg stand?

5) Does a game of beer pong leave you out of breath but not drunk?

If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, talk with your doctor about a weight-loss program.

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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

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