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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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R.A. Has Bad Feeling About Kid In Cloak

COLUMBUS, OH—Saying that he’s “gonna have to keep an eye on that one,” Ohio State University resident assistant Scott Joachim confirmed Wednesday that he is “not getting a good vibe” from the freshman student on his floor who wears a cloak at all times. “It’s hard enough being a freshman in the first weeks of school and trying to find your identity, but on top of all that this kid’s gotta throw a cloak in the mix?” said Joachim of the 18-year old student who is reportedly registered under the name Tim Estrin but, on the rare occasions that he has spoken with hallmates, has introduced himself only as “Damien.” “And he’s not wearing the cloak in a humorous, quirky way, either. He’s clearly dead serious. Everyone in the whole dorm just calls him Cloak Kid.” At press time, a relieved Joachim saw the student entering his room with a young woman who was also wearing a cloak.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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