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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Radio Interviewer Audibly Fellating Colt McCoy

AUSTIN, TX—Greg Streets, the commentator and host of The Longhorn Zone on Austin-area AM station Sports Radio 1480, could clearly be heard performing enthusiastic and vigorous oral sex upon Texas quarterback and Heisman trophy frontrunner Colt McCoy during an interview Wednesday. "So there are people, hmmmmmm ummmm nnf, saying that Oklahoma State will blitz and try to apply womm hnghh ulp more pressure on you this Saturday," Streets gasped wetly during the seven-minute puff piece which took up the central section of the 20-minute question-and-answer session. "Mmmmm hmmm oh. Oh my. Oh." McCoy made it clear during the interview that the Longhorns were concentrating on conference play, taking it one game at a time, and that being on top ain't gay.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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