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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Rafael Nadal Thinks He Disappointed Millions By Losing French Open

PARIS—After losing his first French Open match in four years, a somber Rafael Nadal apologized Sunday for disappointing his "millions and millions of fans," a comment many are calling a gross overestimation of his popularity and overall effect on people's everyday lives. "The people all have faith in me, and I let them down," said Nadal, seemingly unaware that most people were oblivious to the fact that he lost the match, that the French Open was taking place, and that the French Open is a professional tennis tournament. "In the end, it's the [maybe 500 at most] fans who really push me to succeed." When asked if he was disappointed that Nadal had lost in the early rounds of the tournament, Kansas City, MO resident Dale Hughbart, 46, said he hopes Michael Chang wins the French Open because he's a "quick little guy, from what I remember."

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