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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Raiders Excited About Prospect Of Signing Free Agent JaMarcus Russell

OAKLAND, CA—Raiders owner Al Davis enthusiastically praised free agent quarterback JaMarcus Russell at a press conference Thursday, calling the first overall pick in the 2007 draft an exciting playmaker and a perfect fit for the team's offense. "Obviously JaMarcus Russell has had some troubles on and off the field, but I've seen nothing that indicates he couldn't find a home with the Raiders and reinvigorate his career," Davis said. "We'd be extremely fortunate to acquire a quarterback like Russell, a player who can beat you with his arm or his feet, to help us overcome our recent disappointments at that position." Davis told reporters that the Raiders were currently negotiating a deal with Russell that included more than $22 million in guaranteed bail money.

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